Have You Stopped Dreaming Big?
Years ago, a coach I was working with pushed me to write a bucket list. It wasn’t the skydiving-and-see-the-Grand-Canyon kind of list. This one was for giant goals, the big dreams most of us quietly stop dreaming because somewhere along the way we decide they aren’t possible.
The idea landed with me because of improv. On stage, we practice something called heightening, which means taking an idea and making it bigger instead of talking ourselves out of it. We explore what’s possible before deciding what’s practical. Most of us do the exact opposite with our own goals. We start with a big dream and immediately look for reasons to make it smaller. So why would I plan my life any differently?
Five Big Goals That Once Felt Impossible
My list had five big goals on it, and at the time every one of them felt insurmountable.
- Get out of the debt I took on during COVID, when I lost my business.
- Buy a home again.
- Go to grad school, which meant finding both the money and the time.
- Write a book, get it published, and see it become a bestseller.
- Buy property in Italy.
Today I’ve accomplished every one of those except Italy. I paid off the debt, bought a home again, finished my master’s degree, and wrote a book that went on to become an international bestseller. If you had shown me that list back then with checkmarks next to it, I would not have believed you.
Why We Stop Dreaming Big After Success
With one goal left, I did something I would never let a client get away with. I downsized it. Maybe instead of a place in Italy, I’d buy an investment property closer to home, like the North Carolina mountains. It sounded sensible, and that was exactly the problem.
I’m still unpacking why I did it. Part of me felt like I had already used up my share of good fortune. Every other goal on that list looked impossible right up until it happened, and yet this one still felt like too much to ask for. So instead of going after it, I let it hang over my head.
I see leaders and teams do the same thing all the time. They hit a big target, and the next one gets set a little lower and a little safer, because the last win felt more like luck than proof of what they’re capable of.
The danger is that we start confusing realistic goals with comfortable ones. There’s a difference between being strategic about what you pursue and lowering your expectations out of fear of disappointment. Whether you’re setting goals for yourself or leading a team, it’s worth asking: Am I adjusting this goal because circumstances have changed, or because I’ve stopped believing it’s possible?
In improv, that’s the moment we’d heighten the idea, not shrink it. Instead, I was doing what I coach people not to do: negotiating against myself before I’d even tried.
What I Figured Out in Therapy
The turning point came in a therapy session, when I realized I could still pursue Italy. Nothing had taken it off the table except me. I needed something meaningful to pursue, because after checking off all those other goals, I was becoming depressed.
I told my therapist that I thrive on achievement. Then I corrected myself, because the honest answer is that I thrive on overachievement. That’s something I’m actively working on, since living in a way where anything short of overachieving feels like failure is its own kind of exhausting.
The irony didn’t escape me either. I spend my days coaching people on their goals and exit plans, and I was living a life where my own biggest goal sat on the shelf, untouched.
Small Goals Count Too
The other thing I realized is that I had stopped setting new goals altogether. Once the big ones were done, nothing was pulling me forward. And they don’t all have to be giant. One recent goal was reorganizing my bedroom closet, and I can’t tell you how satisfying it felt to finish.
Maybe the answer isn’t to keep achieving more and more. Maybe it’s to keep having something meaningful to move toward, whether that’s buying a home in Italy, learning a language, or finally organizing a closet.
For some of us, goals are what keep us moving. They’re the difference between building something and sitting on the couch binge-watching Netflix because there’s nothing else to do. I’m not knocking the couch, by the way. Some weekends my only goal is to watch documentaries and do nothing else, but that gets boring fast.
Back to Italy
These days I’m spending a lot of my free time improving my Italian and house hunting online for an apartment in Italy. My financial planner supports the idea. My husband is still coming around, and I’m working on him.
The photos accompanying this article aren’t stock images of some imaginary Italian dream. They’re from an actual apartment I’m considering buying. The dream is no longer sitting on a list. I’m doing something about it.
Which brings me to my question: Have you stopped dreaming big dreams? If so, why? Maybe it was a hard season, or a win so big you felt you’d already had your turn, or you simply got busy and the dream slipped off the list. Whatever the reason, I’d encourage you to write the list anyway and start big, because …
What’s the big goal you’ve been talking yourself out of?
Sometimes the biggest obstacle isn’t a lack of resources, time, or opportunity. It’s the limits we’ve quietly placed on what’s possible.
Through coaching, I help leaders and professionals challenge those assumptions, clarify what they really want, and turn ambitious goals into action.
If you’ve been shrinking a dream instead of pursuing it, let’s talk. Message me at gina@ginatrimarco.com.
Photos courtesy of Idealista.
